Being a waitress means you have superpowers.
The above statement is something I have learned over the course of my adult life which, since graduating, I have spent cleaning tables, carrying trays, and fake-smiling at miserable middle-aged woman who often reply to my grin with looks of disdain. Lovely.
Rather that being viewed as human beings by said miserable customers, waiting staff are often, it would seem, believed to be super human beings who hold a multitude of powers.
The power of being in two places at once
The ability to be in two places at once, for instance, is a power which waiting staff must possess in order to satisfy the needs of multiple tables simultaneously, so as to avoid any upset or inconvenience to any party involved. If waiting staff could not be in two places at once, some customers may actually be asked to - God forbid - wait until an order has been taken from another table before they can request a refill of their New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc.
The power of no nerve endings
Waiting staff must also have super human skin encrusted onto the palms of their hands which enables them to carry scalding plates in a speedy fashion. If not, any chef would of course exclaim that their beautiful food would be cold before it reached any customer. This power also comes in handy when waiting staff approach tables with searingly hot bowls of piping hot soup to be met with silence and blank stares as the ladies and gentlemen take their sweet time in gesturing to which party member the soup belongs.
The power of telepathy
Let us not forget about the magical power of waiting staff which enables them to read minds. How else could they cope when a customer books a table for 5 but actually arrives with a party of 9 expecting a warm welcome with drinks at the ready?
The power of invisibility
The power of invisibility appears to be a power possessed by waiting staff, but do not be so naive as to think it is one which we can control. No, waiting staff only become invisible when the conversation between mingling customers is just too gripping for them to acknowledge the human being standing to their left waiting to take their order. It also happens frequently when waiting staff ask a customer if they enjoyed their meal or when taking empty glasses and dirty dishes away from their table. One could be offended by this lack of gratitude if it were not for the simple fact that one had become invisible to the human eye.
The power of two heads and nine arms
This power is one which I myself do not seem to possess, but one which many customers I have served in the past seem to think I have. Perhaps, in the past, these customers have been served by waiting staff who have a face on the back of their head as well as the front, which enables them to answer the questions of three tables at once with out being interrupted. Perhaps they have also been served by waiting staff who have enough arms to carry all twelve plates of food - and sides - to their table in one trip, saving them from making the statement which sounds like a question: "we ordered chips as well?".
I only have two arms.
In truth, I only have one face; I can only be in one place at one time; I only have the usual amount of skin for a human being; I can't read minds and I am not invisible. The fact, however, that I am treated like I should have these super human powers, and I can grin and bare it when I am looked down upon if I fail to reach these impossible standards is, in itself, an extremely strong power to have.
The above statement is something I have learned over the course of my adult life which, since graduating, I have spent cleaning tables, carrying trays, and fake-smiling at miserable middle-aged woman who often reply to my grin with looks of disdain. Lovely.
Rather that being viewed as human beings by said miserable customers, waiting staff are often, it would seem, believed to be super human beings who hold a multitude of powers.
The power of being in two places at once
The ability to be in two places at once, for instance, is a power which waiting staff must possess in order to satisfy the needs of multiple tables simultaneously, so as to avoid any upset or inconvenience to any party involved. If waiting staff could not be in two places at once, some customers may actually be asked to - God forbid - wait until an order has been taken from another table before they can request a refill of their New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc.
The power of no nerve endings
Waiting staff must also have super human skin encrusted onto the palms of their hands which enables them to carry scalding plates in a speedy fashion. If not, any chef would of course exclaim that their beautiful food would be cold before it reached any customer. This power also comes in handy when waiting staff approach tables with searingly hot bowls of piping hot soup to be met with silence and blank stares as the ladies and gentlemen take their sweet time in gesturing to which party member the soup belongs.
The power of telepathy
Let us not forget about the magical power of waiting staff which enables them to read minds. How else could they cope when a customer books a table for 5 but actually arrives with a party of 9 expecting a warm welcome with drinks at the ready?
The power of invisibility
The power of invisibility appears to be a power possessed by waiting staff, but do not be so naive as to think it is one which we can control. No, waiting staff only become invisible when the conversation between mingling customers is just too gripping for them to acknowledge the human being standing to their left waiting to take their order. It also happens frequently when waiting staff ask a customer if they enjoyed their meal or when taking empty glasses and dirty dishes away from their table. One could be offended by this lack of gratitude if it were not for the simple fact that one had become invisible to the human eye.
The power of two heads and nine arms
This power is one which I myself do not seem to possess, but one which many customers I have served in the past seem to think I have. Perhaps, in the past, these customers have been served by waiting staff who have a face on the back of their head as well as the front, which enables them to answer the questions of three tables at once with out being interrupted. Perhaps they have also been served by waiting staff who have enough arms to carry all twelve plates of food - and sides - to their table in one trip, saving them from making the statement which sounds like a question: "we ordered chips as well?".
I only have two arms.
In truth, I only have one face; I can only be in one place at one time; I only have the usual amount of skin for a human being; I can't read minds and I am not invisible. The fact, however, that I am treated like I should have these super human powers, and I can grin and bare it when I am looked down upon if I fail to reach these impossible standards is, in itself, an extremely strong power to have.
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